Sometimes it’s hard for me to take instruction from others. I think I’m right and I take trusting myself pretty seriously. I won’t voice my non-compliance. It more often comes out at a shrug off, or like when you touch a whiny little kid and they’re like, ehhh, no, don’t touch me, and they make some very dramatic yet noodly display. That’s me on the inside. After a few years of self-study, I can see this reaction when I feel like I’m trying really hard and someone offers a better way of doing something. I don’t often see it fast enough to stop it, but I’m working on acknowledging it and correcting myself and apologizing for being a d-bag (ok, maybe I’m still just working on the correction part).
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali discusses some ethical principles by which to live, in relationship with self and others, known as Yamas and Niyamas, or restraints and observances. Among the Yamas is aparigraha. If we break down the Sanskrit word a-pari-graha, we have ‘graha’, meaning to take, to seize, or to grab; ‘pari’, meaning on all sides; and ‘a’ negates the word, essentially non- (guys, I love root words So much. Ask my kids). We translate aparigraha as non-greed, non-posessiveness, or non-attachment. My personal loose translations include, don’t hold on so tight, keep an open mind, and chill the eff out.
When I keep an open mind, when I trust others, when I don’t feel like I always have to be right, I am better at receiving instruction. I am better at making decisions because I am not stuck on being right so I can actually process facts. When I am not attached to being right and remaining right, I can stay present with a conversation or situation. I am not dwelling on old business to prove my case and I’m not planning what to argue next. When I don’t have to be in both the past and the future at once, I am happier.
Why am I thinking about all of this now? I am in a lot of new situations lately. Many of these new situations, however, have at least a tinge of familiarity to me. (I don’t Love new stuff, but that’s for another day) In new situations my brain tries to sort according to the known. It doesn’t take long for me to leap from frame of reference to, “I know better than you, I’m tuning you out.”
I joined a new gym that comes with a complimentary trainer session. I have worked with an amazing trainer in the past. I respect and value his expertise. Right now I’m clinging like hell right now to the idea that I know what trainers have to offer, and this new, unknown trainer has nothing for me. Like stage 5 clinging. I’m already causing myself unhappiness because I assume it will be a waste of time.
When I step back I can loosen my grip on the situation. I realize that though I have worked with an excellent trainer before, this trainer my also be excellent. After teaching for a few years I have seen that I can tell people the Same thing over and over, but it will not connect until they are ready to listen. Not holding so tightly to what I know just might help me learn something new.
The Trailer Park Yogi 